|
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the aqua-lair that is home to Manphibian! Part man, part phibian, part precious metal, and gold medal parter-of-water, Michael Phelps is Manphibian. Phelps gets gold eight times over and turns a whole country back onto swimming. But will it carry over to the 48 months between now and London 2012? If David Beckham is any indication, we thinks not. Perhaps if he gets hooked up with Madonna somehow he can carry it off, but barring that we will all simply look forward to London. The [...]
Today The Girls are bringing you this award-winning Fantoo Girls sports podcast live from the abyss between Brett Favre's reality and the reality of the Green Bay Packers. Never has a member of the NFL resembled a Bridezilla (selfish, emotional, indecisive, demanding, petulant, oh, we could go on...) so perfectly. Sorry Brett, but you aren't the Green Bay Packers, you were their quarterback. How could a smart man with many years in the business forget that it is just that - a business? Praise Vince Lombardi, we've had enough! And now we can wonder what [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from deep inside the HUDDLE, where Jets Coach Eric Mangini goes all beta and throws the most precious of all things, the playbook, online. The new system he is embracing, Huddle, has been deemed secure...by Harvard...which is located in Massachusetts. It's Facebook for the NFL, only there's but one team using it. The Jets. You get why we're totally befuddled and amused by his willingness to tempt the devil, right? Belichick? Belichick? Is that you behind the curtain? No matter what Barry Bonds [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from...THERAPY! No, it's not a new Vegas nightclub, but rather a club for those athletes we used to love who have gone completely off the deep end. Charter member? #4 himself, Brett Favre. Contrary to popular belief, we did not spend the entire episode going all Kimba Slice on Favre, but we do marvel at his ability to SPIN. It's a fresh take on, "It's not you, it's me". But, in this case, the whole drama is due to the actions, inactions and flip-flopping of a truly [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from Mandonna's locker at Kabbalah High where A-Rod (or A-Girl as we like to call him) has left a note (as those in high school are prone to do) proclaiming Mandonna his one and only truly true soul mate. Too bad C-Rod found it! Then the fur really flew - out in the smoking lounge, of course, where all good fights come to a head. C-Rod beat them both...and that's just the beginning. Would somebody please get A-Girl a GPS? He really needs to find himself. And [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the floor of the Houston Astros Clubhouse where the chalk outline of GM Ed Wade leads us to believe that he should have been wearing a diaper when he confronted pitcher Shawn Chacon. While Shawn has been dismissed (grievance already filed) we believe that it is Mr. Wade who ought to look in the mirror. Who's the adult on duty here anyway? At least he wasn't flattened for failing to procure tickets for a demanding teenager, um, athlete. But that's just Manny being Manny. (Can we dispose [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the MODERN DAY - where everything you do and say will be broadcast on YouTube, and TMZ if you are tres naughty. And don't even try and tell us that you don't realize it will become viral, you freestylin' Shaq, you! In this week's sports podcast we'll put our own spin on the Shaq rap, the true colors of Imus (somebody PLEASE trace this man's heritage back to Africa!), and Rick Dutrow's latest stab at creating the equine version of Frankenstein. Oh, and we'll also cover some sports. [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from Break Up Central, where AskMen.com has all the answers on how to gently and permanently "fire" your significant other. Clearly, Omar Minaya is a subscriber as he followed their rules to the 'T'. The Girls are certain it was painful, but sometimes you have to set someone (Willie Randolph) free. If he (Willie) comes back to you he's yours. If he (Willie) runs into the open arms of Hank Steinbrenner he is the property of the Yankees. PS: The NY Media was miffed because they [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from their first Fantoo Girls Sports Podcast book signing, where we dutifully autograph the inside cover of, "Would It Be Too Far-fetched to Imagine Jockeys are on The Take? The Inside Story of Big Brown, His Saga, The Tainted Trainer, The Hedge Fund and the Real Reason Behind Eight Belles' Death, With a Forward by Barbaro...From The Grave." It's not as wordy a title as we would have liked, but without lumping in Tim Donaghy and the NBA we were fresh out of filler. Let's just state for the [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from inside the shredded cauliflower ear of James Thompson, and let's just say this ain't no picnic. And it must not have been much fun to be on the receiving end of some of the blows delivered by Kimbo Slice. We're not fans of guys beating the crap out of each other, but you have to give it to Kimbo. He could have easily gone down a dark path, but instead he chose to channel his rage and level it at his opponents in the cage. We sort [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from a happy place, where a cancer survivor throws a no-hitter, where the Celtics make it to the conference finals on a wing and a prayer (and Paul Pierce's determination), and Bill Belichick still believes he 'misinterpreted' a crystal clear rule. Where is this happy place, you ask? Why Beantown, of course! We couldn't be happier for Jon Lester (okay, if we were there in person we would have been happier), and while we think they could have done it sooner we are still psyched for the Celtics, and [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the set of another Fantoo Girls Production, "So, You Think You Want Barry Bonds?" Well, think again. But one does have to give the enormous head credit for jacking up yet another high profile number associated with his larger-than-life self - his felony count. They must have been on the clear and the cream as well. Now the count sits at 14, up from a measly (and certainly not Hall of Fame worthy) four. As soon as we get his 'federal address' we will send it [...]
Today The Girls bring to you this fine sports podcast live from the set of, "Roger Clemens, This Is Your Life!" And we're glad it's his and not ours, because it is going to be awfully hard to pitch his way out of this one! Roger, get back on the meds and come back to Earth. We're not buying what you're selling anymore. It's all a shame, really. But nobody said it was going to be easy to make the right decisions. So while he tries to figure out a way out of this mess, [...]
In this, the latest edition of the Fantoo Girls, we are coming to you from Heaven. That's Sports Heaven y'all. How did we achieve such loftiness? Well, we happened upon Game 7 of the Flyers-Capitals showdown. And, because we are Flyers fans, have achieved sports nirvana. Call us homers, call us premature (we know it's the opening series in the playoffs). But when you've suffered through last season's descent into hockey cellar-dwelling, the post season is gravy. We take note of Danica Patrick's graduation from the Anna Kournikova school of hard knocks and give praise where it is due. We [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the ACME Board Game Co. where they are feverishly putting the finishing touches on "Name that Gumbelism", the game we all want to get! Yes, sad to say, Bryant is leaving the NFL booth for pastures that will have him less tongue-tied. Now the NFL Network is really toast. He was brilliant - If you like a huge smattering of guffaws to go with your first downs, second periods and Rick Romos. Alas, we won't be hearing 'shot clock' during an NFL broadcast. (Gingerly wipes away [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the set of another Fantoo Girls production - "And You Thought Roger Clemens Had A Drug Problem?" - where shooting (pun intended) has begun on the life story of Aaron Fike, the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series driver who thought a little heroin on race day might just make going left a little more tolerable. Whoa. How is it that NASCAR doesn't drug test? That seems a little...um...IRRESPONSIBLE! As filming continues for this direct to iTunes masterpiece, we hustle on over to the gates at Augusta. Can't [...]
Today The Girls bring you this Fantoo Girls sports podcast LIVE from the final - for real - opening day at Yankee Stadium. After this baseball season, and perhaps one hockey game for kicks and giggles, the place will be stripped bare. Okay, folks, let's be real...the pilfering has already begun. Urinals don't just walk out on their own, do they? It's sad that one of the greatest buildings in all of sports can't be preserved. The Parthenon is still standing! C'mon US of A, get on the preservation band wagon. After wiping [...]
In today's Fantoo Girls Sports Podcast, The Girls are coming to you live from the 2008 Metaphor of the Year Awards (For the name to sound as cool to you as it does to us you must mimic the chick who announces the NASCAR awards banquet, if you've seen it.) where Brian McNamee takes top honors. He wasn't able to accept in person due to injuries sustained while crashing head first into a bus after passing out at the wheel. The Girls accept in his honor, and we even got all dressed up and shots of HGH for the [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from...where else...Mt. Everest. You know, the mountain that anyone can climb. Except this year because China has deemed it off-limits during the prime summit season so that they can run the Olympic torch up to the top. Or bury a nuclear warhead without anyone watching. Whatever. The fact remains that the Summer Olympics will have more international drama than Johnny Weir on a Saturday night in Amsterdam. And we aim to keep you on top of the most important elements, so don't stray far. Being that [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from a place of darkness - mentally and physically - in the heart of the Dead Zone on Mt. Everest. If you are a loyal listener to the show, and rest assured there are millions, you know that we do not advocate climbing Mt. Everest if you need to enlist a sherpa or seven to help you get there. So you should not be surprised that we think it is a supreme bonehead move to take school children who - get this - have never climbed before and ARE BLIND [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the plains of Africa, where a poorly placed sneeze may have been the end for boxing star, Ricky Hatton. Why is it that when someone tells you not to do something you involuntarily do it anyway. In this case it was enough to get all "squeaky bum", whatever that means. BTW, if someone can explain to us what exactly constitutes a Championship Bout we would be all ears. And then promptly forget about boxing till the next time something like this happens. So, off we go to sports [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from American Idol's stiffest competition - the NFL Combine! Where Wonderlics trump HGH, speedy backs get noticed and the new black - pass rushers - are on full display. Did you watch? We were too busy trying to find the Patriots videographer. You know he was there filming, so as to get a "competitive advantage" come draft day. Even though you think that nothing else could possibly overshadow that drama, we are here to tell you that Tiger is either the best golfer ever or that ball has [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the back rooms of our government where Hugh Hefner reigns as maitre'd and the vino flows, time is wasted playing parlor games put together by lobbyists and the tab goes directly to you. All because they love George Mitchell, the real truth is too much to bear, and it's just common practice to eat your own. Sorry Roger! Oh, and a big apology to you Mr. McNamee. Your wrongs are things we tolerate these days, but those evil steroids! We just can't have that! Quite frankly, [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the new Golden State - the state of New Jersey - where apparently you can upset anyone with an undefeated record if your home turf (paint, court, rink, diamond, dart board) resides in the state from which all rock anthems hail. As if the spectacular NJ/NY Giants victory wasn't enough, the Scarlet Knight Ladies of the Court (Rutgers) whipped the tails of UConn, taking a page right out of the New England Book of Sports Domination. The tides down the shore are a changin'! We go from lobster rolls [...]
Today, The Girls are coming to you live from Nevada - home of the rapid, surefire way to castrate sheep. Um, Grey Ruegamer, you seriously didn't believe that was the Basque method of sheep castration, did you? Somewhere in Nevada a woman is laughing her arse off. And many sheep are traumatized for life. Down under a few were traumatized as well. Federer slinks off into the long sunset, Venus looks for Mars, and Nadal...well, he's probably fishing off the coast of Spain right now. But never fear, the tennis season is just getting [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the set of another award winning Fantoo Girls production - "Are You Completely Out Of Your Minds, Or Are You Just BEEPING Nuts?" We are aware of the length of the title. We are also aware that surfing over a 5000 foot sea mountain that sits a mere six feet below the water at points, and is 100 miles deep in the Pacific ocean off San Diego, on the raging faces of 80 foot waves warrants the extra effort. And effort is what's being put forth in this year's [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from Atlanta, which was about as close to the Body Tap Strip Club as were dared to venture, where Adam 'PacIdiot' Jones strikes again, literally. This time when he thinks someone stole his money he decides to handle the altercation himself. By hitting a chick. Sweet. Hope you kissed your shoulder pads goodbye, dude. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Congress and those who should be the only ones named in the Mitchell report hugged and kissed their way through the hearing "investigating" the abuse of [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Fantoo production, "And We Waited All Season for THIS?", which will probably go straight to DVD. Doesn't matter as the BCS Championship game was dead on arrival as far as we're concerned. What with that 50 day lay-off, networks rigging the team selection and pitiful pairings, we've had enough. Don't make it seem harder than it is, stop trying to bleed as much cash from the sport as possible and figure out a playoff system now. And get this guys...it's been done before...that whole playoff thing. [...]
Now that all the screaming sports headlines have settle down a bit and it seems that the lazy baseball-watching days of summer are back, The Girls are headed to a distant land for a breather. Robin will be eating lobster up North while Carol well, she's not really taking a vacation she actually gets some sleep. Yes we know 2007 is barely at its halfway point, but while we are out of the elaborate recording studio over the next couple of weeks, we wanted to leave you with a tasty compilation of some of our favorite moments so far. [...] |
|
