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Today The Girls bring to you this fine sports podcast live from the set of, "Roger Clemens, This Is Your Life!" And we're glad it's his and not ours, because it is going to be awfully hard to pitch his way out of this one! Roger, get back on the meds and come back to Earth. We're not buying what you're selling anymore. It's all a shame, really. But nobody said it was going to be easy to make the right decisions. So while he tries to figure out a way out of this mess, [...]
In this, the latest edition of the Fantoo Girls, we are coming to you from Heaven. That's Sports Heaven y'all. How did we achieve such loftiness? Well, we happened upon Game 7 of the Flyers-Capitals showdown. And, because we are Flyers fans, have achieved sports nirvana. Call us homers, call us premature (we know it's the opening series in the playoffs). But when you've suffered through last season's descent into hockey cellar-dwelling, the post season is gravy. We take note of Danica Patrick's graduation from the Anna Kournikova school of hard knocks and give praise where it is due. We [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the ACME Board Game Co. where they are feverishly putting the finishing touches on "Name that Gumbelism", the game we all want to get! Yes, sad to say, Bryant is leaving the NFL booth for pastures that will have him less tongue-tied. Now the NFL Network is really toast. He was brilliant - If you like a huge smattering of guffaws to go with your first downs, second periods and Rick Romos. Alas, we won't be hearing 'shot clock' during an NFL broadcast. (Gingerly wipes away [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the set of another Fantoo Girls production - "And You Thought Roger Clemens Had A Drug Problem?" - where shooting (pun intended) has begun on the life story of Aaron Fike, the NASCAR Craftsman Truck Series driver who thought a little heroin on race day might just make going left a little more tolerable. Whoa. How is it that NASCAR doesn't drug test? That seems a little...um...IRRESPONSIBLE! As filming continues for this direct to iTunes masterpiece, we hustle on over to the gates at Augusta. Can't [...]
Today The Girls bring you this Fantoo Girls sports podcast LIVE from the final - for real - opening day at Yankee Stadium. After this baseball season, and perhaps one hockey game for kicks and giggles, the place will be stripped bare. Okay, folks, let's be real...the pilfering has already begun. Urinals don't just walk out on their own, do they? It's sad that one of the greatest buildings in all of sports can't be preserved. The Parthenon is still standing! C'mon US of A, get on the preservation band wagon. After wiping [...]
In today's Fantoo Girls Sports Podcast, The Girls are coming to you live from the 2008 Metaphor of the Year Awards (For the name to sound as cool to you as it does to us you must mimic the chick who announces the NASCAR awards banquet, if you've seen it.) where Brian McNamee takes top honors. He wasn't able to accept in person due to injuries sustained while crashing head first into a bus after passing out at the wheel. The Girls accept in his honor, and we even got all dressed up and shots of HGH for the [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from...where else...Mt. Everest. You know, the mountain that anyone can climb. Except this year because China has deemed it off-limits during the prime summit season so that they can run the Olympic torch up to the top. Or bury a nuclear warhead without anyone watching. Whatever. The fact remains that the Summer Olympics will have more international drama than Johnny Weir on a Saturday night in Amsterdam. And we aim to keep you on top of the most important elements, so don't stray far. Being that [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from a place of darkness - mentally and physically - in the heart of the Dead Zone on Mt. Everest. If you are a loyal listener to the show, and rest assured there are millions, you know that we do not advocate climbing Mt. Everest if you need to enlist a sherpa or seven to help you get there. So you should not be surprised that we think it is a supreme bonehead move to take school children who - get this - have never climbed before and ARE BLIND [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the plains of Africa, where a poorly placed sneeze may have been the end for boxing star, Ricky Hatton. Why is it that when someone tells you not to do something you involuntarily do it anyway. In this case it was enough to get all "squeaky bum", whatever that means. BTW, if someone can explain to us what exactly constitutes a Championship Bout we would be all ears. And then promptly forget about boxing till the next time something like this happens. So, off we go to sports [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from American Idol's stiffest competition - the NFL Combine! Where Wonderlics trump HGH, speedy backs get noticed and the new black - pass rushers - are on full display. Did you watch? We were too busy trying to find the Patriots videographer. You know he was there filming, so as to get a "competitive advantage" come draft day. Even though you think that nothing else could possibly overshadow that drama, we are here to tell you that Tiger is either the best golfer ever or that ball has [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the back rooms of our government where Hugh Hefner reigns as maitre'd and the vino flows, time is wasted playing parlor games put together by lobbyists and the tab goes directly to you. All because they love George Mitchell, the real truth is too much to bear, and it's just common practice to eat your own. Sorry Roger! Oh, and a big apology to you Mr. McNamee. Your wrongs are things we tolerate these days, but those evil steroids! We just can't have that! Quite frankly, [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the new Golden State - the state of New Jersey - where apparently you can upset anyone with an undefeated record if your home turf (paint, court, rink, diamond, dart board) resides in the state from which all rock anthems hail. As if the spectacular NJ/NY Giants victory wasn't enough, the Scarlet Knight Ladies of the Court (Rutgers) whipped the tails of UConn, taking a page right out of the New England Book of Sports Domination. The tides down the shore are a changin'! We go from lobster rolls [...]
Today, The Girls are coming to you live from Nevada - home of the rapid, surefire way to castrate sheep. Um, Grey Ruegamer, you seriously didn't believe that was the Basque method of sheep castration, did you? Somewhere in Nevada a woman is laughing her arse off. And many sheep are traumatized for life. Down under a few were traumatized as well. Federer slinks off into the long sunset, Venus looks for Mars, and Nadal...well, he's probably fishing off the coast of Spain right now. But never fear, the tennis season is just getting [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the set of another award winning Fantoo Girls production - "Are You Completely Out Of Your Minds, Or Are You Just BEEPING Nuts?" We are aware of the length of the title. We are also aware that surfing over a 5000 foot sea mountain that sits a mere six feet below the water at points, and is 100 miles deep in the Pacific ocean off San Diego, on the raging faces of 80 foot waves warrants the extra effort. And effort is what's being put forth in this year's [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from Atlanta, which was about as close to the Body Tap Strip Club as were dared to venture, where Adam 'PacIdiot' Jones strikes again, literally. This time when he thinks someone stole his money he decides to handle the altercation himself. By hitting a chick. Sweet. Hope you kissed your shoulder pads goodbye, dude. On the opposite end of the spectrum, Congress and those who should be the only ones named in the Mitchell report hugged and kissed their way through the hearing "investigating" the abuse of [...]
Today The Girls are coming to you live from the Fantoo production, "And We Waited All Season for THIS?", which will probably go straight to DVD. Doesn't matter as the BCS Championship game was dead on arrival as far as we're concerned. What with that 50 day lay-off, networks rigging the team selection and pitiful pairings, we've had enough. Don't make it seem harder than it is, stop trying to bleed as much cash from the sport as possible and figure out a playoff system now. And get this guys...it's been done before...that whole playoff thing. [...]
Now that all the screaming sports headlines have settle down a bit and it seems that the lazy baseball-watching days of summer are back, The Girls are headed to a distant land for a breather. Robin will be eating lobster up North while Carol well, she's not really taking a vacation she actually gets some sleep. Yes we know 2007 is barely at its halfway point, but while we are out of the elaborate recording studio over the next couple of weeks, we wanted to leave you with a tasty compilation of some of our favorite moments so far. [...] |
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